Boxing Others Off...

I recently watched a Ted Talk about the way society defines people and puts us into boxes based on our personality and the way we live our lives. Now, if you haven't watched a Ted Talk before, it's where people in their certain fields give a talk on something that is important to them. I wanted to write about this, especially in the Gay Culture section of the blog, because as soon as you identify yourself as LGBTQ, you are automatically put into a box by society and other gay people.

Humans almost instantly when meeting you categorise your personality and tick off certain boxes in their mind to where you belong. Through no fault of our own, we instantly judge and stick labels to the defined boxes 'fat' skinny' 'tall' 'slut' 'whore' along with pre-conceived notions passed over from our parents, family and the media. All of which you will find hard to change. 

Coming out as gay you already become a minority in the world, through no fault of your own, and you are put into a box. Religion boxes you off into a life of sin. Some straight people (not all) box you into Gay (insert name) or Lesbian (insert name.) If you are trans, you are put into the tranny box. Again, through no fault of your own. As humans, we are all born the same, we have the same two eyes, 4 limbs, a body, our insides and a brain. So why is it that as soon as your personality and life develops, you are categorised?

 Some people like to be defined as a person. There are even sub categories for gay men types, so you are not just a gay man. You can be a scally, a bear, a camp, a she-male, a drag queen, a cub and a twink. I'm sure there are more but you get the gist. So the boxing off continues, being gay and then being boxed into another sub category depending on how you look and act.

Surely as a gay community we shouldn't box each other off?? I mean, as we are already placed in a box from society, we shouldn't be judging each other for how we look and act! I get that humans always are judging character but, after being judged and boxed off, shouldn't the community open their arms and say we accept you for just being you, end of.

The gay community should be somewhere where you are allowed to flourish and be yourself no matter what age, weight, height, sex, personality or look you have. Instead, we judge, and allow ourselves to define each other even further, leading you into a further minority than the one you are already placed in. I understand that each individual has their sexual type, but friend wise shouldn't we be embracing each other?? Especially when some of the world still despises the way we live our lives!! So what if that man over in the corner has nail polish and eyeliner on? Does that make them too camp? So what if the girl over their has short hair? Does that make her a bull dyke? No it doesn't. It's who they are.

The gay scene is supposed to be a safe haven for gay people to be themselves without fear of being judged, attacked and looked down upon and in some sense it is. But when you walk into a club or bar, and see people looking at how you have dressed, what make-up you have on or the type of body you have, you can't help but feel judged, sometimes attacked and glared at. Society does it anyway, so why should a gay community do so to.

I know that this goes on, not just in Gay Culture, but in general life. If the world didn't box people off and allowed everyone to be who they wanted to be, then surely it would be a far better place to live. The media have a big part to play in this, they constantly box people off. Take for example all the press the Muslim religion is getting. Articles upon articles of hate filled speech, scaremongering and boxing off a religion because of the actions of a select few people. Now, quite a lot of people associate Muslims with terrorism, and it is all down to the media. Not all Muslims are terrorists, it is a MINORITY that have carried out the horrible acts and yet, we define the whole religion as one large terrorist organisation.

 

I wanted to write this in the hope of maybe broadening your horizons. Think before boxing people off because one day, you may have an accident that puts you into a category. One day, you might have a gay family member that will be put into a category. One day, you may have a friend who converts to a certain religion. So, just because society boxes people off, don't allow your mind to be boxed off too!

A.R Wilson x

Your friends are the family you choose....

Being the first post about Gay Culture, I'd like to start with sharing my experiences and how being gay has effected my life as a whole. This post will be straight to the point and quite a quick post. The posts following this I will dive into the topics of marriage, adoption etc.. For now though here is my experience...

I came out just after my mum died, around the age of 15/16, one of my only regrets I have is not telling my mum I was gay but I'm sure she knew, well I hope anyway. Coming out was fairly easy for me, my school mates were fine, other people in my year had struggled with bullying but I managed to avoid that. I still was welcomed on the school football team, obviously there were a few jokes among the lads, but I took it as banter.

It seemed like everyone around me accepted the fact I was gay, except for my step-dad, he just couldn't accept it. We had very heated arguments, I was aloud previous girlfriends round but not boys and he wouldn't open up conversations about my sexuality. A few months after coming out, we had a heated argument on the phone where he told me he was going to come home and fight me. Before he had the chance, I packed my bags and moved to my friends. All the the age of 15/16. I felt like I couldn't live with the man who promised me so much when my mum died, but never lived through the promises. 

The next year flew by, I moved back to Scotland with my dad. My dad was the one person I never thought would except I was gay but he was the opposite. He rang me one night asking me to tell him my secret, I laughed, and he just said I should have just told him and that he loved me for who I am. My dad has been in and out of jail, he's a big burly mans man and for him to say that to me, it gave me hope.

Things never worked out in Scotland, I moved back to Leeds within a few months and started life all over again. I was 17, in a big city, alone and didn't know where to turn. I met a boyfriend then, Kevin, a drag queen who worked on the gay scene, we raised a few eyebrows as I was 17 and he was 27 but, we lasted a couple of years.
 

Being with Kevin opened my eyes to the whole gay scene, the accepting nature, the warm family like feel and the seemingly happiness of everyone there. It wasn't till I turned 19 I realised the dark side. The seedy, drug filled, bitchy, nasty scene that I had been so oblivious to... But the friends I made there, some are like family, hence the title.

My drug problems started on the gay scene, but that's a whole other story! I met a partner in the gay club I worked for, I was with him for 3-4 years, we separated, but are still really close. Today, I'm single, feeling increasingly lonely, the place where I live doesn't have any gay bars, I haven't met any gay people and don't have any gay friends.

I have kept this short and straight to the point, missing out details as I want to post about the gay scene in more detail, about other issues I've come across as a gay man and obviously, as mentioned, the subject of marriage, adoption and more. 

A.R. Wilson x

My Experiences & Blog Structure...

I want to touch upon why I feel I need to talk about the subjects in this blog, give a brief description on my experiences of the subjects and how my structure will form when posting. 

So your probably wondering what qualifies me to speak about the subjects on the blog and why I have chosen these issues. Now as I have mentioned I am no writer, nor am I a medical professional but I always find it better to share experiences with others in the hope they can share with me so I know I'm not alone or what I am feeling is unnatural, so here is a brief run down of each of the topics and why I am approaching them on this blog -

Depression - Most people at some point will feel low, depressed or have to deal with depression in some way or another. I currently am suffering with severe depression, I feel like life can't go on somedays, I self harm, I cry, I lock myself away and hate having to deal with the struggles of everyday life. This stems from the past issues I've had to deal with, the issues I'm dealing with now and what I think lays ahead for me in the future. I'm currently on medication for my depression, I go to a therapist once a week and will be seeing other councillors in the coming months to help me get over what I'm feeling. I want to include this on here as it is an everyday occurrence for some people and I want them to know they are not alone, that is why I would like to include the sharing stories aspect of this blog. Depression topics will be written and posted about on a Monday and on a Friday.

Anxiety - Anxiety is something that is fairly new to me, obviously everyone feels anxious at some point whether its general everyday worries or severe anxiety for your particular fear. For me, personally, my anxiety is the fear of people, being judged, possibly attacked, ganged up on and rejected. This has stopped my social life in its tracks, I barely leave the house (once or twice a week) as I'm constantly feeling that people are looking at me and judging me, or if I walk past a group of people they will attack me. I feel I need to address this as I'm currently going through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help me deal with my anxiety woes. Panic attacks are frequent, lack of sleep every night and thoughts of worry are constantly racing through my mind. Anxiety topics will be written and posted on a Tuesday and on a Friday.

Death - 7 years ago my mum passed away, when I was only 15, about to do my GCSEs. I wanted to include this subject as 7 years on I am still not over what has happened, I feel jealous, angry, hurt, upset a full rollercoaster of emotions everyday. I feel what's happened is unfair to me. Every little thing reminds me of my mum and moving forward is hard without having the support (I do have family, but will touch on that in another post) I know that everyone will lose their parents someday, and I included this on here so I could be frank with my emotions, to let people know about the thoughts that go through your head when dealing with death. I also want people to share their experiences with me, so I know I'm not alone. Death topics will be posted on a Wednesday.

Drugs - From the age of 15/16 I have dabbled with drugs, as mentioned before from Legal Highs to Class A drugs. I was addicted to Mephedrone (M-Cat, Meow Meow) for 3 years of my life. I consumed all my money, I lost friends, was classified as homeless (although not living on the street) and changed my appearance and body. I was taking this drug 5 or 6 nights a week, only eating once or twice a week and not really living a normal life. I have also dabbled in Ketamine, Ecstasy, Cocaine, MDMA, Pills, Weed, GHB on a regular basis. I have been clean from drugs for 2 years (besides weed that's 3 months) and would like to share my experiences of how it has effected me and also get to know your experiences with drugs. Drug topics will be posted on a Thursday.

Gay Culture - Being a gay man myself, I thought I would write about this topic as it is very current and has a lot of press, some good, some bad. I worked on the gay scene for a few years, dated people on the gay scene and practically lived on the gay scene so I know first hand how good, nasty, exciting and bitchy it can be. I'd like to share my experiences of how being gay has changed my life, what I took from the gay scene and how it all has effected me. I also what to talk about topics such as gay marriage, adoption and life, debate the issue as I know many people have conflicting arguements for and against and I'm interested to hear them all. Gay Culture topics will be posted on a Saturday.

I hope this gives you a little more understanding into why I have chosen these particular topics to address. I feel I have a wide range of thoughts, feelings and experiences on each of the issues to really make this blog work and get it to where I would like it to be. 

Tomorrow will be the first day where I am going to start telling my story, starting with Depression and Anxiety. 

A.R. Wilson x

   

Intoduction to the Blog....

Hi All, 

So here goes my first post on this blog!! I have high ambitions of where I want this blog to go, so I do hope that I can fulfill them and possibly help even just one person. 

Firstly, I would just like to start off by saying that the majority of the postings I do to start will be about my background story in these particular topics. I am not a professional writer (so excuse if my punctuation is a little out or there are misspellings here or there), nor am I a medical professional so most of what I write will come from the heart and my mind. I feel very passionately about starting this blog up and I hope to reach out to people who are or have suffered similar experiences to myself in all or even just one of the topics. 

I'm not going to bombard you with all my story at once, when I cover a particular topic I will speak about the background of my experiences and gradually you will start to see the story of what I call my life forming. Having looked online I can see that there are other sites that include help, advice and experiences of the topics I am going to be talking about. I have though seen that not every topic is covered on the same site and you may have to do a bit of searching to find the relation, this is why I am covering all the topics here, in one place, kind of like a hub for people to visit and share their experiences too! I find that most of the issues I'm going to talk about cross over, like depression and drug use or gay culture and anxiety, at least in my experiences anyway. 

So what do I want to get from this blog? Well, on each individual page I have included what I hope to post, get from the page and happen to move the pages forward. I would like the blog to be a hub of information really. A place where people can come to visit if they what to share their experience. A place where you can read of first hand experiences in a particular topic or all of the topics if you have lived as I have. I hope to speak with the professionals associated with each topic and get their views on how they have seen the effects of depression for example. Ultimately, this blog is designed to show that no matter what angle your life is at at the moment there are people who are going through what you are, there are people who have come out the other side strong and that suffering with one or more of these issues is not the end of the world, there will always be a helping hand to life you up or give you that smack on the bum to get you moving. 

I'm going to wrap this first post up now, I don't want to babble on, I will post about briefly about my experiences in my next post and the structure of how the blog will work (the days which I will post what.) I have set up a twitter account which you can follow, this will keep you up to date with the latest news, posts and just general light hearted posts - @ARWilsonFYM

A.R.Wilson x