I want to touch upon why I feel I need to talk about the subjects in this blog, give a brief description on my experiences of the subjects and how my structure will form when posting.
So your probably wondering what qualifies me to speak about the subjects on the blog and why I have chosen these issues. Now as I have mentioned I am no writer, nor am I a medical professional but I always find it better to share experiences with others in the hope they can share with me so I know I'm not alone or what I am feeling is unnatural, so here is a brief run down of each of the topics and why I am approaching them on this blog -
Depression - Most people at some point will feel low, depressed or have to deal with depression in some way or another. I currently am suffering with severe depression, I feel like life can't go on somedays, I self harm, I cry, I lock myself away and hate having to deal with the struggles of everyday life. This stems from the past issues I've had to deal with, the issues I'm dealing with now and what I think lays ahead for me in the future. I'm currently on medication for my depression, I go to a therapist once a week and will be seeing other councillors in the coming months to help me get over what I'm feeling. I want to include this on here as it is an everyday occurrence for some people and I want them to know they are not alone, that is why I would like to include the sharing stories aspect of this blog. Depression topics will be written and posted about on a Monday and on a Friday.
Anxiety - Anxiety is something that is fairly new to me, obviously everyone feels anxious at some point whether its general everyday worries or severe anxiety for your particular fear. For me, personally, my anxiety is the fear of people, being judged, possibly attacked, ganged up on and rejected. This has stopped my social life in its tracks, I barely leave the house (once or twice a week) as I'm constantly feeling that people are looking at me and judging me, or if I walk past a group of people they will attack me. I feel I need to address this as I'm currently going through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help me deal with my anxiety woes. Panic attacks are frequent, lack of sleep every night and thoughts of worry are constantly racing through my mind. Anxiety topics will be written and posted on a Tuesday and on a Friday.
Death - 7 years ago my mum passed away, when I was only 15, about to do my GCSEs. I wanted to include this subject as 7 years on I am still not over what has happened, I feel jealous, angry, hurt, upset a full rollercoaster of emotions everyday. I feel what's happened is unfair to me. Every little thing reminds me of my mum and moving forward is hard without having the support (I do have family, but will touch on that in another post) I know that everyone will lose their parents someday, and I included this on here so I could be frank with my emotions, to let people know about the thoughts that go through your head when dealing with death. I also want people to share their experiences with me, so I know I'm not alone. Death topics will be posted on a Wednesday.
Drugs - From the age of 15/16 I have dabbled with drugs, as mentioned before from Legal Highs to Class A drugs. I was addicted to Mephedrone (M-Cat, Meow Meow) for 3 years of my life. I consumed all my money, I lost friends, was classified as homeless (although not living on the street) and changed my appearance and body. I was taking this drug 5 or 6 nights a week, only eating once or twice a week and not really living a normal life. I have also dabbled in Ketamine, Ecstasy, Cocaine, MDMA, Pills, Weed, GHB on a regular basis. I have been clean from drugs for 2 years (besides weed that's 3 months) and would like to share my experiences of how it has effected me and also get to know your experiences with drugs. Drug topics will be posted on a Thursday.
Gay Culture - Being a gay man myself, I thought I would write about this topic as it is very current and has a lot of press, some good, some bad. I worked on the gay scene for a few years, dated people on the gay scene and practically lived on the gay scene so I know first hand how good, nasty, exciting and bitchy it can be. I'd like to share my experiences of how being gay has changed my life, what I took from the gay scene and how it all has effected me. I also what to talk about topics such as gay marriage, adoption and life, debate the issue as I know many people have conflicting arguements for and against and I'm interested to hear them all. Gay Culture topics will be posted on a Saturday.
I hope this gives you a little more understanding into why I have chosen these particular topics to address. I feel I have a wide range of thoughts, feelings and experiences on each of the issues to really make this blog work and get it to where I would like it to be.
Tomorrow will be the first day where I am going to start telling my story, starting with Depression and Anxiety.
A.R. Wilson x
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