Facing Your Fears...

So the weekend is here and yet another week passes me by!! This week has been a better week for me I'm glad to say, minus the headache I had last night, but overall a much better week compared to last! I wanted to post today about facing up to your fears. This includes both your fears with Anxiety and Depression. I faced up to a major fear of mine today and surprised myself, hence the topic!

One of my major fears is the dentist as it is with many other people. Now, just to give you an idea of how scared I am of the dentist, I haven't been in 5 years (maybe more.) I know what you are all thinking, god my teeth must be and absolute mess, but surprisingly they are in quite good condition, minus the reason I had to go today. The thought of the anaesthetic, the prodding around my mouth and the smell of the clinical rooms.. Everything about the dentist petrifies me, to the point I become a quivering mess. 

I have had toothache for the past 5 days or so, which I thought was due to my last wisdom tooth pushing through, unfortunately not. I had a filling the last time I was at the dentist, all those years ago, and the tooth that has the filling has cracked so I had to bite the bullet and book an appointment. After speaking with my therapist about this on Tuesday, she said the longer I wait, the worse it will become. After spending a day worrying about my tooth, the dentist and whether I could get away with not going, I got a friend to book me an emergency appointment. 

As you can imagine, with my anxiety/depression this was a big step, especially with heightened anxiety at the moment, the dentist was the last thing I needed to add on to my ever growing list of woes. So the appointment was booked and for the past 2 days its all I could think about. What was going to happen? Are they going to have to pull all my teeth? What if my wisdom teeth were dodgy and needed sorting? The list of questions were endless. I got an early night last night because I had a migraine (which I think was due to stressing.)

So today came, I got up and just went. I knew it was something I HAD to do, and backing out would only make the problem worse. Don't get me wrong, I was absolutely shitting myself. I was sweaty, drip white and had extremely bad dry mouth. When I got there I was shaking, terrified and even told the receptionist how bad I was feeling, she obviously said "You'll be fine!"

When I got into the dentist chair, looking around the room at all the equipment, the bright lights, the needles, the tools, everything was staring right at me. The sweating increased and I told the dentist how scared I was. She put me right at ease, had a little look round my mouth and said okay, were done. WHAT???!!!! She told me that I needed antibiotics before the treatment and that I had a couple of options. I chose the option of just getting the tooth pulled. So I have to go back again in two weeks time, but I have hope in myself now, I prepared myself for the worst today and I actually felt I done okay.

So that brings me to the topic of the post. This whole anxiety/depression thing I've got going on. Yes, my anxiety is terrible, but facing my fear today has given me hope for beating my mental illnesses. I feel that taking this step today proves to me that I can do things when I put my mind to them, and keep the anxiety down low. I know my quite a few of my readers suffer with anxiety, so I want to give you this message. You will beat this!! Fear is all in the mind and its what you make it. Challenge yourself from now on. Scared of going outside?? Take a few steps in your garden. Then slowly push yourself to take a few more outside and keep going!! You are better than your anxiety.

Scared of spiders?? Start by looking at pictures and build up a tolerance. Then take it step by step to eventually letting one stay in the corner of the room. Have health anxiety? Worried about illness? Go to the doctors, put your mind at ease. You will feel better for it. I feel optimistic for everyone who I've spoken to since writing this blog. I know that times will be tough, heck there will even be days when you want to give up completely and let your depression/anxiety take over. That's okay!! Remember though that you are better than anything that pulls you down, your mind is a wonderful thing and just allowing yourself to have a couple of positive days will do you the world of difference. 

I for one from here on in am going to look at things in a different light. As I have said, I have a new found hope that I can beat my mental illnesses. I know today was only a baby step, but it's a step in the right direction none the less. I mean, I haven't been to the dentist in 5 years or so and today, even with all my mental health issues, I done it. I goes to show that there is still hope there. I want to share my positivity with all of you. I'll say it again, YOU CAN BEAT IT!!!

A.R. Wilson x       

Does That Make Me Crazy..?

Hi Everyone!! It's been a little while since I've wrote on here, those who follow me on Twitter, Facebook and G+ know that I've not been feeling too good the past week or so, that's why I haven't written. I've decided that I'm going to change the structure of the blog a little, updating every two days rather than everyday. I will still be doing the same topics, just on alternate days :) 

Today I wanted to talk about my anxiety a little more, and how the past week has been very, very hard for me. Now if you have read my previous posts you will know that I currently suffer with three different forms of anxiety, PTSD, Social and Panic Disorder, but this week has been a whole different ball game for me, so here goes!

I started to get really bad headaches about a week ago, a slow shooting pain in the temple which was followed by a really dull, cloudy pain in my forehead. No matter what I took it wouldn't shift. I became moody, snappy and my temper was snapping at every little thing. I've suffered migraines before but these were like no other headaches I had ever had. They made me sleepy, my body ache and I didn't want to do anything, and I mean anything. 

Usually when I have a headache I would just brush it off but not this time. My anxiety took over the situation and I had convinced myself I had a brain tumour. I sat and researched the symptoms, looked into peoples stories and even posted on forums about it. I was convinced. Every night when I went to bed my thoughts would be racing, I'm dying, my times up and that's it for me. I was having panic attack after panic attack, I was out of control. 

During my CBT I have learned techniques on how to deal with panic (I've even posted on here about coping with it) but I couldn't focus my mind to come back to reality. The panic attacks were frequent, I was exhausted, convinced I was dying and feeling stupid because of the thoughts. I plucked up the courage to go to the Doctors, preparing myself for some life changing news. I was thinking that because my mum died of a brain tumour, I was next in line. 

I explained everything to the doctor, how I was feeling, my thoughts and the panic that I couldn't control. After doing some tests, he told me that I wasn't suffering from a tumour and that it was actually tension headaches, a very common thing for those suffering with depression/anxiety. He gave me some new medication, Amitriptyline. So off I popped. 

No matter what medication I take, I always Google it to see what I am taking. I found out that Amitriptyline is another anti-depressant, but is used for tension headaches. So then I got a little frantic looking into combinations of anti-depressants and how they affect you etc.. I then started to panic again, am I taking too much medication? What if I have a bad reaction?  Along came another wave of panic attacks. I just can't escape them.

Following looking at medicine combinations, I had now convinced myself that I was going to get Serotonin Sydrome (SS), a condition that develops when combining two medications that produce serotonin, but you produce too much, causing it to become toxic to the brain, which if it is severe, can kill you. Alongside this new medication I also had toothache (wisdom teeth) and have been taking paracetamol and ibuprofen. So I started to believe that if I take these medications together I would develop SS and that would be the end of me again, just like with the brain tumour.

Every night, as I got into bed, the same thing happened as it did with the brain tumour scenario, panic attack after panic attack, uncontrollable thoughts and a long sleepless night. My body was physically, mentally and emotionally tired. I told myself that I can't go on like this, I need to try and get some control back. That brings me to yesterday. I had another Doctors appointment as well as a therapy session. Both my doctor and therapist have brought me back down to earth, just what I needed. I had a good nights sleep last night and feel better already.

I wanted to write this post to let others know that when suffering with anxiety, your body will be going into panic mode more often than not. My therapist told me that when suffering with anxiety you will get more aches and pains, they will stand out more than ever before and that it is perfectly normal to get the feelings of panic, with anything health related. She did also mention that if you are looking for something that's up with you, the chances are you will find something, cling to it and then make it worse in your head. I know I am guilty of that. So if you are feeling concious about anything health related, speak to your Doctor, get some clarification and put your mind at ease as quickly as possible, I waited a few days too long.

 Throughout all the episodes of the past week, I keep questioning my sanity, hence the title of the post. Does That Make Me Crazy? Well, in short the answer is NO! I'm now developing a new anxiety symptom, health anxiety, which I will be working on with my CB Therapist. Even though the past week or so have been very draining, I'm still here, I'm still healthy and have a lot to look forward to. I know there are going to be bumps in the road along the way, I know that I'm not going to feel 100% everyday and I most certainly know that I will control these thoughts eventually. Until then, life is still a panic!!

Understanding What Type of Anxiety you Have...

So I have not been feeling too well the past couple of days and missed out on writing this post yesterday as I was too ill. I've been having bad headaches for the past week or so, but yesterday was pretty bad. Having that day off made me think of my anxiety and what type I fall into! My anxiety has convinced me that I have a Brain Tumour (ridiculous I know, but it is all I can think about) so I wanted to do a post on different anxiety types and how they effect you.

Anxiety is a complicated feeling. Some people are absolutely crippled by it and don't leave the house, some can get on with everyday things and others mange to cope living with it but it still effects everyday life. Before suffering with anxiety myself, I just assumed that you were anxious and that was that, I never knew of all the different types, causes, symptoms and outcomes of having anxiety. So here is a run down of the main types of anxiety, you may suffer from just one or you might suffer them all, at least if you know what anxiety you have, you will be able to fight it - 

Panic Disorder - Panic Disorder is where you have regular panic attacks that can hit you at any time. These are often recurring and worsen with the severity of your condition. You may have just a couple of panic attacks a month or have several on a weekly basis. Everyone suffers a little anxiety from time to time, but with panic disorder the feelings of anxiety, stress and panic combine to cause you to enter panic mode regularly. 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) - OCD gets a lot of press. From TV shows that look into the lives of people suffering to daily news articles about the condition. It is very well known. For those of you that don't know, OCD is a condition that combines obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviour. The obsessive side is having unpleasant/unwanted thoughts that cause you anxiety and the compulsive side, is the repetitive behaviour to try and combat those obsessive thoughts. OCD, as with other anxieties, ranges from mild (spending an hour a day having obsessive compulsive thoughts) to severe (the condition taking over your life)

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is caused by a particular event that has happened that you found frightening, very stressful or distressful. There are any causes to developing a PTSD and it can take weeks, months or even years after the event occurred for you to develop the symptoms. People suffering from PTSD often have flashbacks or relive the memories of the event in their minds. The symptoms of PTSD are severe and often take over your daily living, as the feelings of guilt, isolation and irritability take over. Suffering from this disorder often makes you emotionally numb. 

Social Anxiety Disorder - Social Anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders. It is the consistent fear of social situations or being around people. Social anxiety takes over your daily life and effects everyday tasks such as shopping, talking on the phone and socialising with friends. It often disrupts your quality of life and if a child suffers from it, it can effect their school life and learning. There are a wide variety of symptoms someone suffering social anxiety will suffer including the fear of being judge, ridiculed, embarrassing themselves and dreading everyday activities. People suffering from SAD will often just avoid the situations completely, which in some cases develops into agoraphobia, causing sufferers to rarely leave the house, if at all!

Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) -GAD, covers a wide range of worries, situations and issues rather than a specific event. People who suffer from GAD tend to suffer over a long period of time, rather than having anxiety that comes and goes. Suffers are anxious constantly and rarely can remember the last time they felt relaxed or in control. There are a wide range of symptoms that come with GAD and these are both physical and mental. Each persons symptoms are different and vary from insomnia, feeling restless constantly and having trouble concentrating. There is not one particular cause of GAD but suffers often have a mixture of factors that play a role. 

Personally, after working with my therapist, she thinks that I suffer from several of these types of anxiety. Social, PTSD and Panic. We are working together on each individual type, to try and combat what I feel on a day to day basis. Most of these disorders are treated with CBT and in some cases, medication is used too. I would advise that if you think you suffer from any of these to speak with your Doctor and seek the best method of help for you. 

Understanding what type of anxiety you suffer is pivotal in fighting to get better and without an understanding of what is going on, it is hard to move forward. Do some research, check with other sufferers and try and push yourself into uncomfortable situations, to show yourself that it is just anxiety and you are not in danger. I know that it's easier said than done, believe me, I understand!!

Remember, without addressing your issue, you won't release yourself from the grip of suffering anxiety! You can do this!!

A.R Wilson x